'Twas a F***ing Goldmine Yesterday

There is a soon-to-be famous author out there. His name is Travis Knight. Yesterday he emailed me a prepublication copy of his soon-to-be first novel, Dynasty. It defies all attempts to criticsize it; I will not spoil a thing, but suffice it to say that I have never cried before while reading a book. I struggled to contain it; it is not manly to cry while reading a book! But Dynasty is different. It's not about the Chinese... No, it takes place in America, 2006. And it is better than anything I have ever read.

Here's a picture I made in paint that fits the book perfectly.

Note that this is NOT the actual cover for the book.

That's all I'm going to post here because I don't dare mess with Mr. Knight. He would sue me to hell (or at least trash the shit out of my own work) if I spoiled ANYTHING about his plot. I probably shouldn't even be posting this, but rest assured that when the book really comes out I'll post a nice, juicy review. Until then, that review stays on the Creative Forums (once I finish it, of course).

Well, yesterday was a fucking goldmine. Have you ever heard of Chuck E. Cheese? I fucking hate that place. I was quite content having never, ever, been to that hell-hole, and would have liked things to stay that way. Absolutely not. Why?

I got a physical. That's why. A fucking physical. Fucking hated every fucking moment of the fucking thing, and you just know I'm pissed when I spew the word "fucking" almost every other word.

This physical meant that I was stranded in town with my family and had to go along to a birthday party. The Rootbeer at C.E.C. makes me want to headbutt a wall with a rusty nail strapped point-first to my cranium. The pizza wasn't horrible, at least... but it wasn't very good either. Ah well, I survived.

Barely.

Also, I found myself the proud holder of a 27 DOLLAR check. After doing the math with a calculator, I realized that my grandfather had stiffed me. I should be the proud holder of a 32 DOLLAR check. Such is life.

Last night I watched Undead or Alive on Netflix. Oh my god, I have never laughed so hard. It nearly killed my father, the emotionless sap. He howled like somebody had tied him down and placed a spiky vibrator against every part of his body, turned them all on, and RUBBED THEM UP AND DOWN REALLY FAST. Seriously, watch it; it's a Western-Zombedy (Cowboys... Zombise... Comedy galore!).

I also watched Ned Kelly the night before last (the latest version starring the late Heath Ledger in one of his better roles, alongside a shockingly apathetic [and murderous] Orlando Bloom). Yes, it was a brilliant movie. The actors turned in some of the best performances of their careers. Heath Ledger as the Australian Robin Hood (Ned Kelly) was truly brilliant, and Orlando Bloom as Joe Byrne was a shockingly deep character, bloodthirsty but with a streak of loyalty and self-sacrifice. The other actors, including whoever played Dan Kelly, turned in similiar great performances (it was hard to watch Dan Kelly and his friend Steve commit suicide next to the dead body of Joe, with the building burning around them). I can't believe the movie wasn't a success; it was brilliant. And very historically accurate. VERY, VERY historically accurate.

So here's Ned Kelly, confused as he was, but still genius in that he created the first bullet-proof armor. And used it. To a great extent, along with his friends (and brother) in a very fine last stand in front of an inn filled with civilians and surrounded by bloodthirsty soldiers, using their own bodies to protect the people inside. Again... here's Neddie. :P

Godamm you happiness, you've ruined my blog! Ah well. See me tomorrow when I'm both pissed off and strangely jovial at the same time. Tanstaafl!